Up-down, side to side, round and round, reverse, round and round. Two days before or two days after your period. Do monthly self exams and you’ll feel better when you’re dancing.
One full trip around the sun. Slingshot into the unknown by breast cancer. And back again. Spoiler alert... I won. I'm still me. Only better. My self discovery in a nutshell: I am a firefly. I shine brightest amid the darkness. I am a flamingo. I hold my head high, born to stand out. I am a phoenix. After going through hell, I come out on fire.
I've decided. This phase of chemotherapy shall here-forth be referred to as: Alice-in-Wonderlanding. Is it early morning? Mid afternoon? Am I late for a very important date? Take the small pill for this, big purple pill for that. Patterns, colors, lights go out... and I'm fast asleep. Or am I? Doctors warned me that chemo rounds 5 and 6 would hit me demonstrably harder than the four just prior. I was ready, and they were right. And it's a good thing I don't mind mentally strolling through fantastical self-made fairytales given this is what extreme exhaustion can induce. In between my foggy images of real and imagined, I find it funny to look back at my own memoir. I can see the blueprint so clearly. I gear up, go to battle, feel roughly 2 days' worth of invincible thanks to steroids and adrenaline, then... I'm reminded of my own mortality. Sunday night was no different, but perhaps with just a bit more weighty nudge. I’ll begin with an explanation, Let me gue...
OK, it's a been a minute. A month to be exact. Sorry I went dark. If I'm honest, it's because I went dark . The morning after I finished chemo, I woke up to the reality that my journey was FAR from over. Oh, my optimism, my mortal flaw. To my dismay, I hadn't suddenly woken up to feeling normal, looking normal... and it hit me pretty hard. Just to the contrary, and to my utter heartbreak, I CONTINUED to lose my looks. In fact, I'd say, the very last of them I had remaining. My eyebrows evaporated. My eyelashes evaporated. My confidence eVAPorated. Go ahead, call me shallow. Call me whatever you'd like. But when you go from beauty to beast, it's soul-crushing. Today I look like an old, dying grandpa. Receding hairline, sunken sallow eyes, gray skin... nothing even makeup or wigs can solve anymore. So yeah, I've laid low. Week one post chemo was hard. Week two was harder. My mastectomy was approaching and all of the nerves, second-guessing, and worry b...
Comments
Post a Comment
I'd love to hear from you! Just remember to leave your name. xoxox, LC