Up-down, side to side, round and round, reverse, round and round. Two days before or two days after your period. Do monthly self exams and you’ll feel better when you’re dancing.
I've decided. This phase of chemotherapy shall here-forth be referred to as: Alice-in-Wonderlanding. Is it early morning? Mid afternoon? Am I late for a very important date? Take the small pill for this, big purple pill for that. Patterns, colors, lights go out... and I'm fast asleep. Or am I? Doctors warned me that chemo rounds 5 and 6 would hit me demonstrably harder than the four just prior. I was ready, and they were right. And it's a good thing I don't mind mentally strolling through fantastical self-made fairytales given this is what extreme exhaustion can induce. In between my foggy images of real and imagined, I find it funny to look back at my own memoir. I can see the blueprint so clearly. I gear up, go to battle, feel roughly 2 days' worth of invincible thanks to steroids and adrenaline, then... I'm reminded of my own mortality. Sunday night was no different, but perhaps with just a bit more weighty nudge. I’ll begin with an explanation, Let me gue...
I was born to stand out. I mean, look at the facts. I'm nearly 6 feet tall, I rock a crooked Italian nose and eyes so big and round I've actually been ASKED if they're real. Oh, and I've got more energy than a slice of Doc Brown's plutonium. So, you're likely unsurprised to hear that lately I've been singing, dancing, writing, and striking up spontaneous conversations with strangers. Why? Because it’s literally been saving my life. And, I've decided " Dance like no one's watching " is getting it COMPLETELY backwards. Dance like EVERYONE'S watching is what the world needs!!! I mean, when you are so filled with joy that your body simply can't NOT move, why oh WHY would you not share that!?! Oh, and p.s. that applies to ANYthing that brings you joy. Yet I’ve seen it all too many times: people hold themselves back. And in the MOST inopportune ways it'll break your lovin' heart. I’ve listened to students " try " sp...
OK, it's a been a minute. A month to be exact. Sorry I went dark. If I'm honest, it's because I went dark . The morning after I finished chemo, I woke up to the reality that my journey was FAR from over. Oh, my optimism, my mortal flaw. To my dismay, I hadn't suddenly woken up to feeling normal, looking normal... and it hit me pretty hard. Just to the contrary, and to my utter heartbreak, I CONTINUED to lose my looks. In fact, I'd say, the very last of them I had remaining. My eyebrows evaporated. My eyelashes evaporated. My confidence eVAPorated. Go ahead, call me shallow. Call me whatever you'd like. But when you go from beauty to beast, it's soul-crushing. Today I look like an old, dying grandpa. Receding hairline, sunken sallow eyes, gray skin... nothing even makeup or wigs can solve anymore. So yeah, I've laid low. Week one post chemo was hard. Week two was harder. My mastectomy was approaching and all of the nerves, second-guessing, and worry b...
Comments
Post a Comment
I'd love to hear from you! Just remember to leave your name. xoxox, LC