Fooling the Rain

Day 9 post-chemo #1. Week one, doctor's told me, would feel "close to normal". But number two? Expect "hell week" they said. Well, listen. I did my first Masters in Italian. I've read all 3 parts of Dante's greatest work. And somehow, I'm skating through this phony inferno doing triple toe-loops in a sparkle leotard! 

If I haven't yet convinced you that I'm certifiably crazy, this may push you over the edge... what I'm experiencing right now? You should all be so lucky. OK, now pick that jaw back up and hear me out. 

Yesterday was the fourth best day of my life. I simply MUST put my wedding and births of my two girls in first through third place, but let me tell you, I almost had to think about it. I mean, I popped up out of bed with what's now become a daily morning mantra of holy $hit, I still feel good!? and could almost not propel myself fast enough from the comfort of my bed to take a long haul trucker-sized big gulp of life! This coming from the girl who could have individually saved the existence of the snooze button feature from ever being abandoned. 

There I was, dancing and singing to music ALL. DAY. LONG. I was as close to euphoria as a sober human can be. My mind was so high on life, in fact, that I couldn't even fall asleep until 2am. Then, as if THAT wasn't enough, my brain nudged me awake at none other than 4:30am and I was PUMPED! Like HUH?? This defies explanation, man. I've given up caffeine, my body is processing friggin' CHEMOTHERAPY drugs, I'm apparently now an insomniac... but I am over the top-hyper-supercharged-Redbull gives you wings level energized. WHAAATTTT is going ONNNN?!!?! 

So, I'll say it again. You should all be so lucky. In fact, I'll bring it home with a closing argument. 

Every morning I take my girls to school. It's become my most cherished ritual. Something I never had before I was self-employed (aka their first 8 and 10 years of life I can't get back, but I digress). This particular morning we chose the bus stop for no better reason than to switch it up. Sure, it was raining. That's why umbrellas were invented, I thought! And we cheerfully headed to the bus stop. As the bus approached, I began empathizing for my girls that they were the ones heading into a day of school and I was the one about to turn back home and hit the shower. So, I handed them the umbrella as they boarded and began feeling the rain upon my face. Full stop. Whoa. Rain. 

Glorious Mother Earth kisses of rain. All over my unwashed morning hair. All over my pajamas. They felt like droplets of LIFE. They felt like Grandma's you come a-here and let me kiss-a-you kisses. It felt like I was a flower being watered. And I never wanted it to end.

What I'm experiencing right now is a better gift than I've almost ever been given (again, have to give my husband and babies first place here, DUH). And, yes, I've got a long season ahead. But maybe, just maybe, I'm banking up all the good to help get me through the hellish winter. But you know, in the meantime, I'm just gonna drink it all in like a fool. [Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.]