Asked & Answered

Dearest Reader, 

After enough weeks of following along in my fantastical journey, I thought perhaps you had a few questions for me rolling around that ol’ noggin’ of yours that I might be able to relieve so’s you don’t go ailin’ on curiosity… Please allow me to address:

Q: What would you say ya DO here?

A: Well, on a day-to-day basis, I’m just bee-boppin’ around trying to entertain myself with my freelance consulting work, nurturing my bibliophilic tendencies, or trying to convince my psyche that I’m a character in a variety of alternative made-up storylines, ALL far more thrilling and/or enjoyable than this one. For example yesterday, as I was driving through the sloshy rain puddles of my small town, I definitely began holding my steering wheel like a pirate captain at the helm of her ship… I mean, the moment the metaphor of my life as “trying not to capsize through a violent storm” was created, it simply became impossible NOT to gurgle out a thar she blows! and turn the street corner with one eye closed. I’m not faaarrgghh now! 

So yeah, my life these days is luckily only one very small part about bringing home any kind bacon, let alone imported prosciutto di Parma like we once enjoyed... I’d just logged MORE than enough years to date as Chief Bread-Winning Officer in this household that we made the call to downshift our home’s economic model for just a few hot minutes when moving back home to Ohio in October. We'd been given more than enough signs that we were overdue for some MUCH-needed focus on family. And apparently also myself… who knew?

Q: So… How YOU doin?

A: In the last 72 hours since chemo round 2? Like someone stole my pink Huffy clean off the grass of my front yard… like I fell off the high branch of the good climbing tree… like the Senior who’s ABOUT to fail gym ‘cause she can’t run the mile… just. plain. zapped. 💥

And for an electric “Jem” like me that runs off a HIGH current to bounce off the walls each day… I'm wishing for nothing more than a supercharger plug right now. Got one I can borrow?!? 

Seriously though, as I mentioned the other day, my hemoglobin is lookin’ ROUGH. Walking in Wednesday, I was already two clicks away from needing a transfusion and that was BEFORE I got sucker punched by more chemo. While Chef Devon is doing his Michelin-best to feed me any and all of the foods that help build red blood cells back up, I’m remaining realistic by accepting the viable possibility that I'll be Lance Armstrongin' it within the next few days or weeks. No Tour de France required, thank Gawd.

In fact, to all of you who’ve been asking how best to direct your prayers and good vibes… allow me to be specific. It’s not my LIFE for which I aim your higher order wishes. It is my essence. I fear that although Cancer won’t kill ME, it does, however, run the risk of killing my spirit. The very thing that makes me so uniquely, well... me. And since I’ve only recently learned that’s my superpower, I’m quite reluctant to dispense of it so soon. Thanks in advance. 

Q: But… Who do you think you ARE? 

A: I’d be lying if I said I’ve never been asked THIS question before. HA! As a tall, assertive, smart girl, it just kinda comes with the territory. But the truth is, though, I’m really no one. Nothing at all of a “big deal”, as they say. I’m just a grown-up kid that has an occasionally compelling combination of no-filterism and rebellion mixed with a robust vocabulary, overactive imagination, and disdain for negativity. I’m SURE there are carbon copies of me just galloping around all over town right now like Lady Godiva… just hopefully not also in curly pink wigs, that would be SERIOUSLY depressing. 

So, yeah. Just a WIDLY grateful, life-awestruck pretender over here… now won’t you join me in my beautiful pea-green boat? I just want to dance by the light of the moon.