Insert Evil Laugh Here
I'm a child of the eighties. So, yes, I ADORE a good movie montage. I love Kevin gearing up for the bad guys in Home Alone, Kevin Bacon back-flipping around the barn with a cig in his mouth in Footloose, the team of hotties in Ocean's Eleven mapping out the ultimate casino heist... This probably explains why all day today I've been mentally playing my imaginary montage soundtrack - Eye of the Tiger mixed with a little American Woman by Lenny Kravitz... but what, pre-tel, might I be doing during this all-important story transition?
Well, bwa-hahahaaa... allow me to share. 🦸
Today I began strategizing, so yeah, watch OUT. My strategy, in fact, even comes with a name: BOOMERANG. Certainly not because I want cancer to [ever] come back, but instead to ensure the experience safely returns me right back to my starting position: living blissfully content without a care in the world and unaware of anything about which to complain. It seems Cancer is trying its damnedest to fling me in the direction of all things negative (fear, sadness, weakness)... and to that, I ask, have we met!?!?
The flip-script.
I may be decent with words, but this idea is admittedly best conveyed via the lens of my imaginary action film. I'll set the scene. I (the hero) am being held gunpoint by the villain "Cancer". I appear cornered.
Me: Aw, you're cute. You really thought I was only leaning on that like some shallow instagram influencer? As IF that was my best asset. Hilarious. You've clearly failed to notice that I've enjoyed playing around with these locks like PlayDoh my whole life! And you actually think I haven't already been pinning adorable pixie cuts for months now or something? Puh-leeez. In fact, allow me to buzzcut it myself, you don't even deserve the pleasure. It's all mine, stronzo.
A nail-biter, ammirite?! But oh no, that's not all. I got a WAY better one in my arsenal.
The freak-out.
What feels like my ENTIRE life, I have been referred to as a "ditz." I don't really blame people. I think it's only a natural response [mostly unhappy] people have to optimists. I see the best in others, the best possible outcomes, I smile big and often... and, more frequently than I'd care to admit, I see people rolling their eyes (literally or in a way their other forms of communication can't hide). As if I should have been spending my life being serious, listless as dry toast - or even just plain unhappy - because there's so much sadness and struggle in the world. Ugh. To this I always want to respond by quoting another one of my movie character heroes - "What, like it's hard?!" (see: Legally Blonde)
So the idea of the freak-out is all about me leveraging my perceived "weakness" as a strength.
- Cancer wants me to be afraid; I will be brave.
- Cancer wants me to worry; I will live in the present.
- Cancer wants me to give in; I will lean in (two middle fingers to the sky quoting gangsta rap).
- Cancer wants me to lose sleep about my future; I will manifest it like a painting of my most beautiful dreams.
Dear friends, family, readers; today was a good day. I got my first round of shorter haircuts, listened to the "Italian pop" station on Spotify, and latin danced with my daughters to "We Don't Talk About Bruno" somehow reimagined as a story about guacamole (don't ask). I was reminded that my relentless cheerfulness is my superpower. And so, on it I shall rely. xoxox
I was blessed to have met you and your delightful family in Woodstock, but met you mostly as a mom, doing everything you could to protect your girls in a pandemic. Your personal journey documented with such honesty, is an education to all of us, an inspiration to all of us, and your gift of words I say, is as good as it gets. Why if you've ever thought of being a novelist, I say do it. I would buy anything you write. Don't I feel that every day must be entertaining, a one word post shares as much as your initial post. Let your friends give you that energy back on the days you need it. Wish I could share here pictures of mother nature's gifts for you as my garden blooms this summer. but I'll do that on Facebook. Love you and your family.
ReplyDeletemy she-ro ;)
DeleteI loved meeting your family. Your girls are beyond precious and are blessed to have you as their mom. I will forever remember singing “Shallow” with Giselle at the SOM pool party. I am praying for many more years of singing and dancing for you. I’m so happy that you are able to articulate your thoughts and feelings with honesty and humor. If there’s any way we can help you, please reach out. We can all help you lighten this burden and show cancer who truly rules.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Debbie. What a beautiful memory of that sultry summer night and, yes, what many more to come! xoxo
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